Praying For Everything to Be All Right.

Last week (week 6) is the week I was waiting for because we wanted to confirm our pregnancy through transvaginal ultrasound.

It's been so long since we were on this journey, that we were not sure where to go. In the end, we went to a specialist clinic in Wangsa Maju because it has a flawless rating on Google. Wow, mom & dad have certainly been out of touch with all this routine.

Alhamdulillah, doctor spotted a sac in there, although it was too early to see heartbeats. The clinic test kit also came back positive.

The doctor was being realistic when he said it was too early to put up any hope. Due to my medical condition (hypertension), he also wanted to run blood tests especially when I mention that my last medical checkup detected protein in urine. 

It was not surprising to us that he was concerned about this pregnancy, with me being in the 40s and having hypertension it was the right reaction. I on the other hand, leave it to God and trust that He knows best. Maybe the fact that I'm 40, my life outlook tends to be a lot more chill compared to previous pregnancies!

The good thing about this visit is the doctor changed my hypertension medication to methyldopa that is pregnancy safe since I was previously prescribed with amlodipine. Oh but how I dreaded taking this meds! It made me awfully sleepy and tired, like I had just run a marathon without a break. So I slept almost all the time, even almost falling asleep when I was brisk walking (to keep my weight gain in check).

Praying for everything to be all right, praying for a healthy and viable pregnancy, a safe and positive birth experience and a healthy baby at the end of this journey, ameen...

The First to (Hopefully) The Many, Many Letters to My Fourth Child.

Speechless.

There's only one word to describe the discovery I made on 12 September 2022, 6.20am.

There had been signs, subtle signs that I simply mistook as Mrs Flow is coming for her monthly visits. Dull cramping the previous week's Tuesday. Sore boobs. Depressed mood.

And there were more - now that I recalled it. I remember being super exhausted and took a long long afternoon nap even though I had a restful and hit the target sleep duration the night before. Sunday 11 September 2022, I felt as if I was about to come down with fever and while going out for lunch with my sister and the girls I felt chills. 

I had doubts but nonetheless I decided to get a pregnancy test kit because my period was late.

That night I called hubby (he was in kampung because his grandfather passed away) and told him I was not feeling well. In his usual fashion, he told me to 'take a panadol' and get over it (yes, yes I've long accepted his very unromantic love).

I woke up to a full bladder, but I managed to grab the test kit and did it anyway. While waiting for the result, I washed up and went to wash my hands.

I had expected the result to be negative.

And here it was, as bright and clear as it could get:

I stared at it, not believing my eyes. We had stopped trying years ago and had accepted that we would only have our 2 girls who were born on our wedding anniversary. Of course we had spoken about trying for another one but I had always expected that it will be through another fertility treatment (oh, how this is so unexpected I don't know how to react!)

I don't know how long I sat down staring at the test kit, wondering if I should inform my dearest husband who had asked me to take a pill and chill the night before. In the end, I couldn't chill. I snapped a photo of the test kit and sent it to him.

A minute later, he told me that he is changing his flight to that night. I told him there was simply no need, but then again, that is how my dear child, your father shows his love. He doesn't sweet talk, but he will be there in a heartbeat when I need him.

Because I need him to freak out with me together. Freak out how to be a new parent after 10 years since your big sister, Khadeeja.

Love,

Mummy (I have come to accept that it is not me who determined the title, but it was your sisters who chose to call me Mummy not Ummi or Mak)

Dear Allah, we accept this blessing with open and hopeful hearts. We pray for this pregnancy to be healthy and peaceful journey. We pray for strengths. We pray for guidance. Ameen Ya Rabbal Alamin...