Dear Self,
Yesterday was the first official antenatal checkup since confirming the pregnancy 5 weeks ago.
I know how much you love the idea of having another baby after so long.
How you long to hold a baby and nurse the baby.
This body has been bearing with pregnancy symptoms for several weeks now.
Nausea at night, extreme fatigue, bloating, warm body temperature.
But yesterday, I saw with my own eyes that there is just an empty sac.
No heartbeat as there should be at this week. No little bowed figure sucking its thumb.
It's just an empty home where a baby should be.
The doctor said most likely the baby did not develop. It's just a blighted embryo.
It's not my fault. It's just not meant to be.
In my heart, I accept this news.
And now you my dear body, have to learn to let go.
Stop having nausea. Stop all the pregnancy symptoms.
Let go of the pregnancy.
Let it pass.
For Allah has better plans for you.
Let the body heal itself.
Dear Self,
I love you and I appreciate how this body has made the pregnancy happen in the first place.
But now it's time to let go, and resume the normal cycle.
It's ok.
I'm ok.
Just let it go.
