Week 37: Most probably our anniversary's 2nd precious gift

Assalamualaikum my child,

Right now, I am feeling your groove inside. You are stirring, probably getting more out of space than ever now. You move a lot even at this stage, I wonder how you'll be when you are outside my womb. Relieved maybe? Ahh.... so much space to kick out those cute little legs.

Baby K,

You are now considered as full-term baby. That means, whenever you decide to make a debut into this world, the chances that you will survive are quite high. Well done sweetheart! You make it this far, we make it this far baby! I love you so much, knowing that you inherit my strong survival will from the moment you were an embryo :)

But just to update you. After the good news in Week 32 (yeay, everything seems perfect!), things get a little bumpy around Week 34 to Week 36. Firstly, within those three weeks, I've managed to get myself admitted in the hospital twice. The first time is because the doctor is convinced that I have GDM but I did not take her seriously so she took a drastic step i.e. get me admitted so that my blood glucose can be monitored for the whole day.

Then just as I had accepted the fact that I may have GDM, in Week 35 I suddenly had strong contractions and Daddy rushed me to hospital. Turned out I had false labour but had to stay in the hospital again until the contractions subsided.

I'm not really sure why these things happened but I believe it happened for a reason that only God knows. What I do know is, after these little incidents, I started to take better care of my health for your sake. I watch my diet and manage to get my blood glucose level in check. I even lost some weight within these 2 weeks! o_0 Seriously, it never happened before!

My little sayang,

Let's come back to the title of the post - why I said that you will most probably make your appearance on our 6th wedding anniversary. You see, because my doctor thinks I have gestational diabetes, she is not willing to take the risk to allow me to carry you until 40th weeks. In fact, she is suggesting that I should be induced at Week 38 - yup, just a little over 1 week left now!

I am really concerned baby - this is going to be my first time to push a baby through my vajayjay since your elder sister was born through C-section. I visualised that it will be just like in a movie - my water break, I somehow managed to remain calm and practise all those breathing techniques and then you were delivered au naturel - no drugs required. Easy-peasy-breezy.

Then suddenly I am told that I have to be induced - or maybe have another C-sec. Understandably, I freaked out. I asked around and heard different stories from a lot of experienced mothers. Some said that being induced is more painful than having natural contractions. Some said the pain is the same, just quicker. Some said, it's not quick at all because it's forced dilation and can take hours to dilate to 10cm. Whatever it is, being induced does not seem like a favorable way to deliver a baby.

I questioned the doctor's judgment because I have successfully controlled my blood glucose level, you are the right size for your age (i.e. you are not oversized, thank God!), your water is not too much and not too little and the placenta is where it's supposed to be. So why insist that I should be induced rather than wait for the labour to come?

Dearest child,

This is where my judgment as a mother is tested. Should I heed the doctor's advice because the risk of you not surviving up to Week 40 is there due to whatever reason (placenta cannot provide nutrition and baby starved in womb and born a stillbirth), or should I heed my reason that things are under controlled and I want a stress-free natural birth? The question that I cannot answer is whether the risk is imminent enough to warrant an induced labour.

I have 2 weeks left to decide.

My precious baby,

I pray that you will be born healthy and alive. I'm convinced that you are doing ok right now but what happens during birth is beyond our control. Allah knows what's best for us and whatever fate He's decided for us, we must accept it. We, baby and Mommy, must put our trust and our lives in His hands and may He guide us to the right path.

Be healthy and enjoy the last weeks of being in my warm and safe womb. I love you so much.

Love,
Mommy

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Week 37: The Very Last Week of Life in Uterus.

Dear Baby Girl,

It seemed like only yesterday I found out about the pregnancy and the indescribable joy that came with the knowledge. After almost 4 years of being married, and FINALLY, finally we are able to conceive.

After the joy, we were scared, really scared that we will lose you. My earlier days of pregnancy was a rather bleak and cautious time for the both of us as we waited with bated breath and lots of prayers for your survival.

But you my child, are strong. God meant for you to live this long, to Insya Allah take the first breath of air this coming week. I still remember whispering a prayer to God, 'Ye Allah, this child inside of me, I trust her life in Your Hands. If she lives, it is through Your Grace, and I thank You for this blessing. If she does not live, I believe that it is her destiny and You know what is best for her and for us.'

My sweet little girl,

Soon, you will be born into this world. How many times have I closed my eyes and imagined the moment you will be placed on my chest, no doubt crying in bewilderment at the sudden gust of cold air after spending 9 months cocooned in the warm, soothing uterus you are used to now. Yes, it is getting more snug and at times, annoyingly uncomfortable as you grow bigger and your home gets smaller. But that cry will soon be placated as you hear the familiar heartbeats and your eyes opened unseeingly in wonder at the warm skin you felt against yours. You will hear the familiar voice soothing you but the voices are no longer muffled, feel hands touching your back as your fingers uncurl and start to search around for something to soothe you.

I imagine how beautiful will those moments be as we finally get to meet you. I imagine that I will be overwhelmed with happiness, crying at the sight of you, and Daddy too, will be crying. Baby, those are the imaginations that lifted my spirit, kept me going even when I was ready to give up on the world, and made me smile even when you kicked me so hard it hurt sometimes. Baby, one day you will know this feeling. It is called motherhood.

My dear child,

Perhaps the next best thing after finding out about the pregnancy is finding out that you will making your début on our 4th wedding anniversary, Insya Allah. In many ways, we have always regarded you as God's gift to us for making it to our 4th year of marriage. But we never (ok, I admit that I have been hoping that you will be coming out on 15th December even though you are due 2 weeks after our wedding anniversary) intended that you will be born on that date itself! If not for this placenta previa problem, I am positive that you will be a New Year baby and that I will be having a normal labour. BUT... God has other plans and lesson learnt, be careful what you wish for. Hehe.

During my last visit to the doctor, she pointed out that the placenta has totally blocked the opening of the uterus and makes it difficult, if not impossible, for you to make your journey into the world through the birth canal. She went on to conclude that the safest way to deliver you is through C-section.

I was of course, quite disappointed to hear that. I asked whether it is really not possible to move the placenta out of the way but she said it is extremely risky, not after waiting for 4 years to have a baby anyway. You see, I have been preparing myself for normal delivery - even put my mind firmly to the thought of having a drug-free birth. That means, no epidural will be requested.

But. What matters most is not what I want, but what is best for you. So, if the doctor thinks that the safest passage for you to enter this world through C-sect, I will certainly oblige this. Some day baby, remember that your mother loves you very much to suffer so much pain for you. Even give her life to you.

I am waiting eagerly sweetheart, for your arrival. Come, my child, into my open arms. The moment of waiting is nearly over.

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