Dear Little K,
How are you doing in there, baby? Are you comfortable? I hope so. Now that you've grown a little bigger, I imagine the space in my tummy is getting a little snug for you. Not that it stops you from being very active - kicking, moving, stirring and doing unimaginable acrobatic moves that sometimes make me go - 'Oofff!' That elbow-jabbing thing? Please avoid it, darling.
My little one,
This week you turned 32 weeks. According to my pregnancy apps, should you ever decide to pop out now, your chance of survival is quite bright. However, let's just wait for a few more weeks, ok sweetie? Although yes, sometimes I do wish that you are already full-term and I could go on maternity leave anytime now because work is suffocating sometimes. I wished to dump everything, have a baby (safely, of course) and leave all the work problems behind. But I'm not that type of person. I like closure. I like doing things properly, handing over my job and then have a peace of mind. I hope when you grow up, you will be a responsible adult like Mommy (haha, ok well most of the time anyway). Don't make people hate you.
Ok, I'm digressing too much here.
The update that I have this week actually happened last week. Remember the week Dr Tan told us that she discovered amniotic band in the placenta? Well, it freaked me out a lot. So I pestered her into recommending me to go for a detailed scan. I just want to be prepared, dear. I know the risk is there, but at least if there is a risk of you being born with physical impairment, I want to be prepared. Don't fret, I would love you regardless of how you look like. But, as your mother, I want to ensure that you get the best medical treatment and coverage and perhaps, I will have to forego some of my plans to ensure that you get that.
So, we went to see another Dr Tan, who performed the detailed scan last week Thursday. I went with your dad, and I was glad that he was there too.
My darling child,
What a relief I got after I went for that detailed scan! Everything seemed to be ok. The amniotic band is not deterring your growth or anything, and the doctor declared that you seemed to be growing healthily. When he scanned your facial structure, he did not see any signs of cleft lips, your brain is developing ok, your heart is ok. You have all your fingers on your hands and feet, which are adorably curled up in that fetal position.
But the thing that makes me go 'aawww...' is the fact that your nose is shaped like your sister's (and mine). It's those cute button nose (I'm shameless to say that my nose is cute, but I like my nose!). It makes me look forward to finally meet you in person, little baby. I pray that you will be as beautiful as your big sister.
I have a confession to make. I have not been taking care of myself and my diet since I was pregnant with you. Maybe because from the word 'go', you seemed to be more enduring than your sister? I did not know I was pregnant with you when I went for that rough trip in the jungle terrain of Sarawak. Despite going through the bumps, the high altitude and also riding my bike to work every day, you seemed to be one strong little fella. I felt a lot calmer and confident when I am carrying you compared to the time when I was carrying your sister.
Perhaps that is why I am less disciplined when I'm having you. I did not stop drinking Coke occasionally, or having daily cups of caffeine-laden drinks (coffee, I mean) which I somehow take to the liking nowadays.
I stop taking my pregnancy supplement because I'm worried that you will grow too big to push through my vajayja (Alhamdulillah, despite skipping the supplement, you are still growing at the right pace). Yet, I worry that you might not get enough nutrients to ensure a healthy growth.
But the thing that makes me feel very, very guilty is I have not been reading Quran to you, baby. I know it's very good for your soul as well as mine to read verses from Quran while you are in my tummy. But somehow I'm too lazy... I keep promising that I will do it tomorrow, but tomorrow came and I still find excuses to skip this crucial ritual.
Daddy is always telling me that your sister turned out beautiful because I read Surah Yusuf when I was pregnant with her. But with you? Oh my dear baby, I'm so sorry!
My little pumpkin,
I pray to Allah that you will be protected from all evil. I believe in Him that he created all humans including you in a pure form. I want to be a good mother to you and your sister. I want you both to grow up not just physically healthy, but spiritually balanced as well. Right now I know I'm doing little to do that. Can you pray to God that Mommy will find the strength to read the Quran to you before you are born?
Before I end this letter, my sweetheart, I want to stress again how much I love you. You have never caused me much worry throughout this pregnancy. I know I have to thank Allah for that. For keeping you safe. I am so looking forward to meet you dear child. 8 more weeks. It's not a long time. In the mean time, I pray that I will be strong physically, mentally and spiritually to bring you to this world. I can't wait to cuddle you and shower you with kisses.
Love you always,