Dear Baby Girl,
It seemed like only yesterday I found out about the pregnancy and the indescribable joy that came with the knowledge. After almost 4 years of being married, and FINALLY, finally we are able to conceive.
After the joy, we were scared, really scared that we will lose you. My earlier days of pregnancy was a rather bleak and cautious time for the both of us as we waited with bated breath and lots of prayers for your survival.
But you my child, are strong. God meant for you to live this long, to Insya Allah take the first breath of air this coming week. I still remember whispering a prayer to God, 'Ye Allah, this child inside of me, I trust her life in Your Hands. If she lives, it is through Your Grace, and I thank You for this blessing. If she does not live, I believe that it is her destiny and You know what is best for her and for us.'
My sweet little girl,
Soon, you will be born into this world. How many times have I closed my eyes and imagined the moment you will be placed on my chest, no doubt crying in bewilderment at the sudden gust of cold air after spending 9 months cocooned in the warm, soothing uterus you are used to now. Yes, it is getting more snug and at times, annoyingly uncomfortable as you grow bigger and your home gets smaller. But that cry will soon be placated as you hear the familiar heartbeats and your eyes opened unseeingly in wonder at the warm skin you felt against yours. You will hear the familiar voice soothing you but the voices are no longer muffled, feel hands touching your back as your fingers uncurl and start to search around for something to soothe you.
I imagine how beautiful will those moments be as we finally get to meet you. I imagine that I will be overwhelmed with happiness, crying at the sight of you, and Daddy too, will be crying. Baby, those are the imaginations that lifted my spirit, kept me going even when I was ready to give up on the world, and made me smile even when you kicked me so hard it hurt sometimes. Baby, one day you will know this feeling. It is called motherhood.
My dear child,
Perhaps the next best thing after finding out about the pregnancy is finding out that you will making your début on our 4th wedding anniversary, Insya Allah. In many ways, we have always regarded you as God's gift to us for making it to our 4th year of marriage. But we never (ok, I admit that I have been hoping that you will be coming out on 15th December even though you are due 2 weeks after our wedding anniversary) intended that you will be born on that date itself! If not for this placenta previa problem, I am positive that you will be a New Year baby and that I will be having a normal labour. BUT... God has other plans and lesson learnt, be careful what you wish for. Hehe.
During my last visit to the doctor, she pointed out that the placenta has totally blocked the opening of the uterus and makes it difficult, if not impossible, for you to make your journey into the world through the birth canal. She went on to conclude that the safest way to deliver you is through C-section.
I was of course, quite disappointed to hear that. I asked whether it is really not possible to move the placenta out of the way but she said it is extremely risky, not after waiting for 4 years to have a baby anyway. You see, I have been preparing myself for normal delivery - even put my mind firmly to the thought of having a drug-free birth. That means, no epidural will be requested.
But. What matters most is not what I want, but what is best for you. So, if the doctor thinks that the safest passage for you to enter this world through C-sect, I will certainly oblige this. Some day baby, remember that your mother loves you very much to suffer so much pain for you. Even give her life to you.
I am waiting eagerly sweetheart, for your arrival. Come, my child, into my open arms. The moment of waiting is nearly over.