In Which I Almost Lose You

My dear little child,

Firstly, my highest praise to Allah for protecting the little you in me. Being a mother apparently is no easy-peasy job. Not at this stage of your life.

I admitted that I had been rather careless. I am after all, still trying to get used to the idea that my body is now shared with a little dot which will develop into a human being, with God's grace. You have gained victory by being the fastest sperm to fertilize my egg (haha, a little biology lesson for you) and it is my turn to hold the baton and did my job to protect you from any harm.

As a punishment for almost losing you, I am now confined to home for 2 weeks. 2 weeks is a long time, baby. 2 weeks made me feel really restless and worried about my abandoned work. I've just started my new job and I don't want to create bad impression on myself. But as the doctor reminded me, which do I put as my priority - work or you? Of course, I choose you. I had to, or Abah will kill me.

You see, what I did was nothing wrong if I had not been preggie.

On Saturday, I accompanied my sister a.k.a. your aunt to her shopping spree. Normally, I love shopping. However, since carrying you, I got tired easily. I got irritated easily too, especially when Abah used his veto power to stop me from buying that beautiful blouse I had been eyeing with the reason that it wasn't long enough (he prefers something like Hogwart School of Withcraft & Wizardry's school robe). Also, he conveniently and annoyingly pointed out that in a few months, I won't be able to fit into it.

The shopping spree ended in a few hours and an aching back and legs. On Sunday, before I left to KLIA, we went for lunch at this place which I remembered to serve the most delicious asam pedas I've ever came across. Alas, the cook either ran away or we went to the wrong place (remembering locations is not one of my strengths, child). Suffice to say, the asam pedas was exactly its name - sour and extremely spicy. So spicy that both Abah & I cried while trying to finish that RM15 asam pedas. We had to dab our eyes a few times in between chews.

Then, not contented with tormenting you with spicy food, I happily boarded the flight to Kuantan. It wasn't the smoothest ride either. Due to bad weather, the flight was turbulent. I did not even think that being at high altitude could be harmful to you.

That's why a day later, I experienced pain and then much worse than that. We both were so alarmed that we immediately scheduled an appointment with our doctor.

Of course, I got a scolding from the doctor! Ok, I deserved it, so I just shut up. Then, to make sure that you are still hanging on in there, doctor gave me a scan and we saw you for the first time.

As inexperienced parents, we were excitedly looking at the black & white screen, expecting something that looks like mini human. Duh.

'Where, Doc? Where?'
'There.' Doctor pointed at you.
'Owh.' We didn't expect you to be that tiny.

Yup, you are still this tiny white dot inside a black dot, which doctor explained as your something-something sac. Haha. I'll look up the proper word later. No wonder you're so fragile! You measured just 6mm!

My darling child,

I'm so sorry that I jeopardized your sense of security and safety. I'll try not to forget that now I'm not just responsible for myself, I'm now hold responsible for you too. Even though I want to protest so badly at being ordered to stay away from my office at level 50, I shut up when I thought that my selfishness could cost your life. Gosh, how I wish I could transfer you to Abah because frankly speaking, Abah's office is just at the 3rd floor! Abah can keep you safer than me, his job is just to sit quietly in front of PC and do some programming!

Oh, another thing that doc mentioned to us.

'When's my due date, doc?'
'Let see....' Doctor made some calculations.
'Insya Allah, 12 April next year.'

Ok, now Abah is happy. Guess you will be Abah's birthday gift after all, not mine.

At this point, I don't care whose birthday you decided to come out, as long as you make it safely through the laborious 9 months period of pregnancy. Just grow well inside me, child.

P/S: By the way, try not to disturb too much of my kidneys and whatevernots of my internal system. Unlike you, they stay permanently inside my body and I wish to keep them exactly where they are.


Love,
Ummi