Baby is now at 20 weeks. Ramadhan had started yesterday. Ramadhan, the month we lost our first baby 2 years back. Somehow, aku berserah dan bertawakal sepenuhnya kepada Ilahi atas nyawa anakku ini. After all, from Him this baby cometh, and to Him he/she will returned...
So coming back to Ramadhan. I entered Ramadhan gingerly and cautiously. Since entering Week 19, my energy and appetite has slowly returned. I only threw up once last week - and that was more to psychological factor (i.e. brushing teeth automatically made me gag). And... if I did not eat on time, I will be so hungry till I shiver in hunger. So I had no idea whether I could complete fasting for a day.
Yesterday thank God again, I managed to last till the breaking of fast. But oh dear! We were so exhausted! Too exhausted till we fell asleep after Maghrib and then throughout the night till the next morning when hubby had to wake up to prepare sahur.
The exhaustion was due to the traffic jam we had to endure to go back (1 hour+). Then we had to cook meal for breaking of fast. I was simply tired from carrying the baby and fasting. So this morning I suggested we should go to work by bike to save time and energy to do our assignment tonight.
Hubby flatly refused my suggestion, saying that he doesn't want to endanger baby's life. I sulked - coz i hate traffic jam and I figured out that I had not had any problem of spotting / bleeding since June and I am already in my second trimester so the worry is unnecessary. So there we were, silent in the car because I know we'll reach home late and we'll be tired like yesterday.
Work as always. Sigh. I somehow found dealing with elderly clerk DOES test my patience... Especially clerk who thinks she's old enough to take any instructions from young executive like me. I mean, does she have to raise her voice at me just because I ask for clarifications? Or ask her to join a meeting first without me? Tiba-tiba terkenangkan the other elderly clerk I had to put up with when I first joined this company. Secretly, I hope this clerk will also get transferred elsewhere soon. I have enough problems to deal with and I don't need this extra emotional stress.
Anyway, by afternoon when I went to the restroom, I was dismayed to find that I had brownish blood on my pantyliner. It was not just spotting, this was like heavy discharge. I quickly washed up, stared in the mirror and held my tummy trying desperately to feel any movement.
Then I went out, managed to get hold of my boss to inform her of my finding and to get excuse to leave early to go to my clinic. Then I called hubby and he came within 30 minutes, I packed up and just left the office in haste. Despite it all, I took several deep breaths and tried to convince myself not to panic. This is just a test from God to see how sincere I am in saying that I trust Him with my baby's life...
Reached Samuel Clinic 2o minutes later. Luckily not so many patients in the clinic. I was relieved to see the familiar gentle face of our gynae despite my turbulent feelings. In worried tone, I told her I had bleeding again and described how the bleeding looked like. Then she took my blood pressure and then I was back on the check-up table for ultrasound scan.
The doctor, sensing my anxiety gently patted my hand and told me not to worry and that everything is fine. I was not convinced until I saw the baby's heartbeats. When she zoomed in, the first thing that caught my attention was the baby's movement - boy, it was enough to put me at rest immediately! The baby was actively moving, turning his/her body here and there, and the head as well. It was probably sucking his/her thumb, with legs crossed.
The doctor turned up the volume so we could hear baby's heartbeats (thumping strongly and normal-ly...) and hubby asked whether the baby is doing ok. The doctor reassured us that there is nothing wrong with the heartbeats and baby seemed quite active (phew!). I asked about the location of the placenta, still not satisfied with the unexplainable bleeding.
The doctor then pointed the placenta - it was behind baby, still blocking the entry. But, since it is only 2nd trimester, she said most probably the placenta will move away as the baby grows.
'Probably the baby's movement is causing the bleeding. But don't worry, as far as I'm concerned from this ultrasound scan, everything looks ok.' She said, and then added, 'Take care of your feelings, don't get stressed out and no need to worry. I'll give you one day mc so you can rest at home.'
Oh baby! You made us so scared! Suddenly I felt like crying - with relief. I can't bear the thought of losing another baby. I love you so much baby!
The good news, since we left office early, we managed to avoid massive queue and reached home half an hour earlier than yesterday. Maybe this is baby's way of solving mom and dad's disagreement amicably? Dad gets to drive to work and Mom gets to reach home early? Heh. Pandai anak mak! Nasib baik kau kat dalam perut, kalau tak mak cubit-cubit manja pipi baby tau... :p
All in all, I am thankful to God that baby is still alive and well inside of me. I pray that he/she will be born healthy and full-term. In the first place, syukur alhamdulillah for blessing us with this gift.