At the beginning of this pregnancy, I have always thought you as being part of me. Meaning, whenever I'm hungry, I imagine you being hungry. Whenever I feel tired, it's you wanting to have a nap. We, Mommy and Baby, are an entity. You, my baby, react based on what I feel and want.
But as you grow older, I realise that you are a person of your own. You have your own schedule (of napping and stretching your legs and body and arms), your own moods, your own personality. I am not developing a mini me - I'm developing a whole new person. Come to think of it, it quite saddened me that I don't have that much power over you. I mean, what if some day you make choices I don't agree with, and I can't WILL it that you stop making that decision? What if I want you to be a pilot but you want to be a... doctor?
So, that is lesson #1 I have to live with - baby is not a clay doll to shape as and how I please.
Last Sunday, we were so looking forward to meet you. I was really excited because I am overly curious to find out your gender. Should I start browsing for boys' outfit, or adorable girls' clothes? Should I name you ******, or er, I haven't thought of a name of the other gender but I will leave it to Daddy coz I have thought of the name already *wink*
All the way to the clinic, I talked to you and cajoled you to let us have a glimpse of your youknowwhat. I was confident that you would listen to me - me, the one who suffered weeks of headache and morning sickness, and uneasy nights and everything (cough). Baby baik kan? Baby bukak kaki sikit ye...
We reached the clinic in time - the doctor was about to leave (today clinic opened half day). As usual, I am very glad to see the doctor. She is a very nice and pretty Indian lady and even if she may sound a bit serious, she can crack jokes and not as serious as she may appeared.
So, after taking my blood pressure, asking a few questions and telling me that my blood test went well (no diabetes, no whatever), once again I hopped onto the examination table (albeit a little less agile than those early months). The doctor started the scanning procedure as usual.
You've grown so big since last time we met. This time, instead of moving actively like last scan, you were staying quiet and resolutely, in that fetal position. Head and body curled up against your legs and YOU CROSSED YOUR LEGS! WHY BABY WHY???
The doctor tried her best to wake you and make you move so she could have a glimpse of your youknowwhat. But no, you still stayed put, pretending to be asleep la tu. Padahal, before reaching the clinic you were busy kicking and somersaulting inside.
If Mommy could reach inside and uncross your legs for you, Mommy would do that! That is how desperate mommy wants to know. Still, I have to respect your decision that: A. You are shy of showing the world your private part, B. You are not ready to announce your gender (maybe you don't like the name I have picked in mind for you), C. You are just being playful, like that time I was studying for Marketing exam, and you chose the moments I concentrated on my notes to kick but when I looked at my stomach to catch you in your act, you stayed silent, probably laughing at the idea of teasing Mommy.
Still, we are quite happy to know that you have grown bigger and we can already see the shape of your fingers and toes and everything (except the part down there). We love you sweetie. God has taken very good care of you even during moments when I could not.
Take care, my little one. May you come out healthy and happy.