Dear Little K,
How are you doing in there, baby? Are you comfortable? I hope so. Now that you've grown a little bigger, I imagine the space in my tummy is getting a little snug for you. Not that it stops you from being very active - kicking, moving, stirring and doing unimaginable acrobatic moves that sometimes make me go - 'Oofff!' That elbow-jabbing thing? Please avoid it, darling.
My little one,
This week you turned 32 weeks. According to my pregnancy apps, should you ever decide to pop out now, your chance of survival is quite bright. However, let's just wait for a few more weeks, ok sweetie? Although yes, sometimes I do wish that you are already full-term and I could go on maternity leave anytime now because work is suffocating sometimes. I wished to dump everything, have a baby (safely, of course) and leave all the work problems behind. But I'm not that type of person. I like closure. I like doing things properly, handing over my job and then have a peace of mind. I hope when you grow up, you will be a responsible adult like Mommy (haha, ok well most of the time anyway). Don't make people hate you.
Ok, I'm digressing too much here.
The update that I have this week actually happened last week. Remember the week Dr Tan told us that she discovered amniotic band in the placenta? Well, it freaked me out a lot. So I pestered her into recommending me to go for a detailed scan. I just want to be prepared, dear. I know the risk is there, but at least if there is a risk of you being born with physical impairment, I want to be prepared. Don't fret, I would love you regardless of how you look like. But, as your mother, I want to ensure that you get the best medical treatment and coverage and perhaps, I will have to forego some of my plans to ensure that you get that.
So, we went to see another Dr Tan, who performed the detailed scan last week Thursday. I went with your dad, and I was glad that he was there too.
My darling child,
What a relief I got after I went for that detailed scan! Everything seemed to be ok. The amniotic band is not deterring your growth or anything, and the doctor declared that you seemed to be growing healthily. When he scanned your facial structure, he did not see any signs of cleft lips, your brain is developing ok, your heart is ok. You have all your fingers on your hands and feet, which are adorably curled up in that fetal position.
But the thing that makes me go 'aawww...' is the fact that your nose is shaped like your sister's (and mine). It's those cute button nose (I'm shameless to say that my nose is cute, but I like my nose!). It makes me look forward to finally meet you in person, little baby. I pray that you will be as beautiful as your big sister.
Baby,
I have a confession to make. I have not been taking care of myself and my diet since I was pregnant with you. Maybe because from the word 'go', you seemed to be more enduring than your sister? I did not know I was pregnant with you when I went for that rough trip in the jungle terrain of Sarawak. Despite going through the bumps, the high altitude and also riding my bike to work every day, you seemed to be one strong little fella. I felt a lot calmer and confident when I am carrying you compared to the time when I was carrying your sister.
Perhaps that is why I am less disciplined when I'm having you. I did not stop drinking Coke occasionally, or having daily cups of caffeine-laden drinks (coffee, I mean) which I somehow take to the liking nowadays.
I stop taking my pregnancy supplement because I'm worried that you will grow too big to push through my vajayja (Alhamdulillah, despite skipping the supplement, you are still growing at the right pace). Yet, I worry that you might not get enough nutrients to ensure a healthy growth.
But the thing that makes me feel very, very guilty is I have not been reading Quran to you, baby. I know it's very good for your soul as well as mine to read verses from Quran while you are in my tummy. But somehow I'm too lazy... I keep promising that I will do it tomorrow, but tomorrow came and I still find excuses to skip this crucial ritual.
Daddy is always telling me that your sister turned out beautiful because I read Surah Yusuf when I was pregnant with her. But with you? Oh my dear baby, I'm so sorry!
My little pumpkin,
I pray to Allah that you will be protected from all evil. I believe in Him that he created all humans including you in a pure form. I want to be a good mother to you and your sister. I want you both to grow up not just physically healthy, but spiritually balanced as well. Right now I know I'm doing little to do that. Can you pray to God that Mommy will find the strength to read the Quran to you before you are born?
Before I end this letter, my sweetheart, I want to stress again how much I love you. You have never caused me much worry throughout this pregnancy. I know I have to thank Allah for that. For keeping you safe. I am so looking forward to meet you dear child. 8 more weeks. It's not a long time. In the mean time, I pray that I will be strong physically, mentally and spiritually to bring you to this world. I can't wait to cuddle you and shower you with kisses.
Love you always,
Mommy
Week 32: Almost there, but not quite there yet...
Love adventure, love travel, love a good book, love chocolate, love philosophical conversations.
Week 25: May all my love and prayers be heard
Dear baby,
How are you doing in Mommy's tummy? Are you enjoying yourself rolling around and playing the poking games? I hope so. Sometimes I found it funny when your sis and you took turns kicking my tummy. Talk about early sibling rivalry!
Baby,
Today we went for six months' checkup. Mommy is happy that the blood pressure and weight gain are just fine.
But when it was time to do the ultrasound, something happened. After measuring your head circumference (normal), she spotted something that made her pause and pressed the scanner firmer on my lower tummy.
She concentrated so hard on something and only answered me in distracted manner. I thought she had probably seen another baby ('guess what? You're carrying twins!') but no. That wasn't what happened.
After the scan, we sat in front of her and she proceeded to draw a womb. She explained about the womb's structure - the placenta, the membrane and whatnots. Then she said, 'sometimes in between the amniotic sac there's another layer called the amniotic band.'
So I asked how does it affect your development because she looked rather worried just now.
She tried to make it sound light and reassuring, telling me that the one she spotted just now did not seem to affect you. It was after all just a thin membrane which she described 'as thin as a curtain layer' and hardly harmful.
But I was not convinced. I asked what is the worst case scenario? She replied that you could have moved actively and suddenly got tangled in the amniotic band. Then you will have some sort of signs around your limb.
She made it sound as if it was nothing too serious. But after that, I googled about the amniotic band and was so horrified to see pictures of babies' limbs after they got constricted in it - there's a medical term for it called 'ABS'. Some limbs couldn't be saved and had to be amputated because it didn't develop. Some babies ended up with cleft palate. In worst case scenario the band constricted the umbilical cord and cut off all oxygen and blood supply - resulting in fatal case.
Baby,
At this moment I just don't know what to do. I feel helpless especially since Dr Tan said there's nothing that we botch could do about it. Should I go for a detailed scan to confirm that it was indeed amniotic band or whether your hands / feet are safe? What if you already got tangled in it because I always feel that you only stick to one side of my tummy? How do I save you my child??
I just pray that we are in the not serious at all category where the band will just end up disappeared without causing you any harm.
Please, please, please baby... Stay away from the amniotic band and move carefully. I love you so much and don't want you to be hurt in any way.
Please don't make me worry.
Dear Allah,
I pray to You to have mercy on my child and protect her from any harms. But if it is meant to be, give me the courage and ways to cope with it.
Amin.
Love you always no matter what,
Mommy
How are you doing in Mommy's tummy? Are you enjoying yourself rolling around and playing the poking games? I hope so. Sometimes I found it funny when your sis and you took turns kicking my tummy. Talk about early sibling rivalry!
Baby,
Today we went for six months' checkup. Mommy is happy that the blood pressure and weight gain are just fine.
But when it was time to do the ultrasound, something happened. After measuring your head circumference (normal), she spotted something that made her pause and pressed the scanner firmer on my lower tummy.
She concentrated so hard on something and only answered me in distracted manner. I thought she had probably seen another baby ('guess what? You're carrying twins!') but no. That wasn't what happened.
After the scan, we sat in front of her and she proceeded to draw a womb. She explained about the womb's structure - the placenta, the membrane and whatnots. Then she said, 'sometimes in between the amniotic sac there's another layer called the amniotic band.'
So I asked how does it affect your development because she looked rather worried just now.
She tried to make it sound light and reassuring, telling me that the one she spotted just now did not seem to affect you. It was after all just a thin membrane which she described 'as thin as a curtain layer' and hardly harmful.
But I was not convinced. I asked what is the worst case scenario? She replied that you could have moved actively and suddenly got tangled in the amniotic band. Then you will have some sort of signs around your limb.
She made it sound as if it was nothing too serious. But after that, I googled about the amniotic band and was so horrified to see pictures of babies' limbs after they got constricted in it - there's a medical term for it called 'ABS'. Some limbs couldn't be saved and had to be amputated because it didn't develop. Some babies ended up with cleft palate. In worst case scenario the band constricted the umbilical cord and cut off all oxygen and blood supply - resulting in fatal case.
Baby,
At this moment I just don't know what to do. I feel helpless especially since Dr Tan said there's nothing that we botch could do about it. Should I go for a detailed scan to confirm that it was indeed amniotic band or whether your hands / feet are safe? What if you already got tangled in it because I always feel that you only stick to one side of my tummy? How do I save you my child??
I just pray that we are in the not serious at all category where the band will just end up disappeared without causing you any harm.
Please, please, please baby... Stay away from the amniotic band and move carefully. I love you so much and don't want you to be hurt in any way.
Please don't make me worry.
Dear Allah,
I pray to You to have mercy on my child and protect her from any harms. But if it is meant to be, give me the courage and ways to cope with it.
Amin.
Love you always no matter what,
Mommy
Love adventure, love travel, love a good book, love chocolate, love philosophical conversations.
It's a...
Dear baby,
It's been a while since I last wrote about you. Did I mention how crestfallen I was during the last checkup because I couldn't see your gender? Well, it's not your fault, you were sleeping. Nevertheless I was looking forward to the next checkup which eventually came yesterday.
Yesterday you turned 5 months in my tummy. Hooray for baby! ;) Every day you make your presence felt especially after I had Iftar. You tended to kick and somersault as if you were so delighted that tasty food is passing the umbilical cord. Hehe.
Everybody was so sure that this time around I'm carrying a boy. This pregnancy felt quite different than the first one. Like, how my belly button is sinking in, not poking out. And how I am very concerned with my appearance compared to last time where I didn't give a hoot about makeup or maternity dress. Plus time time my belly is huge for a five month preggie!
But, today. During the scan (you moved this time, albeit not kicking or anything but just stirring inside), Dr Tan was able to have a glimpse of that part. And yeay, Mommy's having another girl! :)
But unlike when I first found out about your sister's gender, the doctor sounded unsure. Last time, the doctor at Samuel Clinic took a look and stated, 'it's a girl' with conviction.
This time, Dr Tan sounded, 'Doesn't look like a boy.' So I took it that you're not a boy.
Boy or girl, we're just happy that you're growing well in there. You measured your age (not big nor small for your age), and active. Daddy was not surprised that you are a girl, because I once told him of a dream I had before I fell pregnant with your sister, of us taking Raya photo - me, Daddy and two little girls whose age are not far apart.
I pray that you will be healthy and safe for the rest of this pregnancy. Happy thriving baby! And I love you as much as I love your sister, Khayla.
Love,
Mommy
It's been a while since I last wrote about you. Did I mention how crestfallen I was during the last checkup because I couldn't see your gender? Well, it's not your fault, you were sleeping. Nevertheless I was looking forward to the next checkup which eventually came yesterday.
Yesterday you turned 5 months in my tummy. Hooray for baby! ;) Every day you make your presence felt especially after I had Iftar. You tended to kick and somersault as if you were so delighted that tasty food is passing the umbilical cord. Hehe.
Everybody was so sure that this time around I'm carrying a boy. This pregnancy felt quite different than the first one. Like, how my belly button is sinking in, not poking out. And how I am very concerned with my appearance compared to last time where I didn't give a hoot about makeup or maternity dress. Plus time time my belly is huge for a five month preggie!
But, today. During the scan (you moved this time, albeit not kicking or anything but just stirring inside), Dr Tan was able to have a glimpse of that part. And yeay, Mommy's having another girl! :)
But unlike when I first found out about your sister's gender, the doctor sounded unsure. Last time, the doctor at Samuel Clinic took a look and stated, 'it's a girl' with conviction.
This time, Dr Tan sounded, 'Doesn't look like a boy.' So I took it that you're not a boy.
Boy or girl, we're just happy that you're growing well in there. You measured your age (not big nor small for your age), and active. Daddy was not surprised that you are a girl, because I once told him of a dream I had before I fell pregnant with your sister, of us taking Raya photo - me, Daddy and two little girls whose age are not far apart.
I pray that you will be healthy and safe for the rest of this pregnancy. Happy thriving baby! And I love you as much as I love your sister, Khayla.
Love,
Mommy
Love adventure, love travel, love a good book, love chocolate, love philosophical conversations.
Week 16: Boy? Girl?
Last Saturday, we went for my fourth month checkup.
I was looking forward to this checkup. Everyone has been telling me that I am different compared to when I was pregnant with Khayla. I am less cranky (yes, sometimes I do raise my voice in the office, but not all the time now), I fuss about my appearance, and I have a worse morning sickness than last time.
So expectations are running high that I might be carrying a boy this time.
So, after the usual blood pressure test, weighing, peeing and whatnots, I was called into my gynae's room. It was quite early in the morning, so service was quite fast. Dr Tan was also able to spare longer time to discuss about issues and concerns that I raised.
But first, the ultrasound scan.
I hopped onto the examining bed, and stared excitedly at the screen. Dr Tan had the roller on my tummy and we had a glimpse of the baby (wow, double the size compared to last month!). She measured the head circumference and in a pleased voice noted that baby is exactly his/her age - 16weeks.
She then measured the body, and then the femur bone (also appropriate size for a 16-week pregnancy.
Then I asked the million dollar question - 'So doc, is it a boy or a girl?'
She tried to scan at that area but once again, like Khayla did before, baby had his/her legs closed and did not even budge from his/her position!
Baby is also not moving as active as last checkup, which could only mean that he/she is sleeping. Hmm. I should have drunk coffee before I went for the checkup (haha, kidding!).
So, there goes another month guessing the gender.
But I'm glad baby is doing fine and growing healthily in there, Alhamdulillah. Congratulations, baby. Mommy and Daddy love you so much.
Love,
Mommy
I was looking forward to this checkup. Everyone has been telling me that I am different compared to when I was pregnant with Khayla. I am less cranky (yes, sometimes I do raise my voice in the office, but not all the time now), I fuss about my appearance, and I have a worse morning sickness than last time.
So expectations are running high that I might be carrying a boy this time.
So, after the usual blood pressure test, weighing, peeing and whatnots, I was called into my gynae's room. It was quite early in the morning, so service was quite fast. Dr Tan was also able to spare longer time to discuss about issues and concerns that I raised.
But first, the ultrasound scan.
I hopped onto the examining bed, and stared excitedly at the screen. Dr Tan had the roller on my tummy and we had a glimpse of the baby (wow, double the size compared to last month!). She measured the head circumference and in a pleased voice noted that baby is exactly his/her age - 16weeks.
She then measured the body, and then the femur bone (also appropriate size for a 16-week pregnancy.
Then I asked the million dollar question - 'So doc, is it a boy or a girl?'
She tried to scan at that area but once again, like Khayla did before, baby had his/her legs closed and did not even budge from his/her position!
Baby is also not moving as active as last checkup, which could only mean that he/she is sleeping. Hmm. I should have drunk coffee before I went for the checkup (haha, kidding!).
So, there goes another month guessing the gender.
But I'm glad baby is doing fine and growing healthily in there, Alhamdulillah. Congratulations, baby. Mommy and Daddy love you so much.
Love,
Mommy
Love adventure, love travel, love a good book, love chocolate, love philosophical conversations.
Week 14: The toilet sink and me
I want to laugh when I think about how I look forward to Week 13. The end of trimester 1, restored health and sanity.
But now I'm at Week 14 and life is still a game plan for me. The toilet sink is still my best friend. I'm glad I invest in a wide sink.
Anyway, I've grown so huge that people thought I'm already 6 months pregger when I'm barely in my fourth month! It makes me wonder whether I'm carrying twins.
For the past two weeks, I've managed to gain 2kg! How distressing.
I think I'd better stop whining so much about how much suffering I'm going through. At least it means baby is doing fine in there. Well, I still hope miraculously there are 2 babies in there so at least I can tell people that I'm huge coz of that.
Baby(ies), mommy love you. Please don't take heart on what mommy is writing here. I'm just letting it out of my chest so I don't have to keep all this misery inside. I just want to focus on being thrilled for having you, just like how I felt with your elder sister.
And Daddy is also as thrilled as I am. He has been helping out with the cooking, cleaning, washing and looking after your sister so I could rest. It's not his fault that he couldn't show as much concern towards me as before coz his hands are full with the housework and your sister. So at the moment, we'll look after each other, ok baby(ies)?
Love,
Mommy
But now I'm at Week 14 and life is still a game plan for me. The toilet sink is still my best friend. I'm glad I invest in a wide sink.
Anyway, I've grown so huge that people thought I'm already 6 months pregger when I'm barely in my fourth month! It makes me wonder whether I'm carrying twins.
For the past two weeks, I've managed to gain 2kg! How distressing.
I think I'd better stop whining so much about how much suffering I'm going through. At least it means baby is doing fine in there. Well, I still hope miraculously there are 2 babies in there so at least I can tell people that I'm huge coz of that.
Baby(ies), mommy love you. Please don't take heart on what mommy is writing here. I'm just letting it out of my chest so I don't have to keep all this misery inside. I just want to focus on being thrilled for having you, just like how I felt with your elder sister.
And Daddy is also as thrilled as I am. He has been helping out with the cooking, cleaning, washing and looking after your sister so I could rest. It's not his fault that he couldn't show as much concern towards me as before coz his hands are full with the housework and your sister. So at the moment, we'll look after each other, ok baby(ies)?
Love,
Mommy
Love adventure, love travel, love a good book, love chocolate, love philosophical conversations.
Week 12 - Yiye! Baby waved!
We had our scheduled antenatal checkup last Saturday (9 June). This time, hubby joined in as well, so did Khayla.
When the doctor scanned the baby, I was really surprised to see how big it has grown compared to a fortnight ago! Yeay baby!
And the best thing is, the baby has started to move :) it was entertaining to see the baby moving around, and being very active. Last time with Khayla, she wasn't as active as this one.
At one point, baby lifted its hand and we can see the outline of its bone fingers on the monitor! It seemed to be waving at us, the dear one! And Khayla waved back! :) Gosh, now I can't stop writing with exclamation mark, it was such an exciting moment :)
Dr Tan said baby is growing well and healthy although she's a bit concerned with my pale appearance. But I assured her that I'm taking my pills and multivitamin so she didn't ask so much questions.
Our next appointment is next month. And hmm, it might be a bit weird but I sometimes can feel my baby wriggling in my lower tummy, although I'm only 3 months' pregnant.
Can't wait for my pregnancy to be in its fourth month!
When the doctor scanned the baby, I was really surprised to see how big it has grown compared to a fortnight ago! Yeay baby!
And the best thing is, the baby has started to move :) it was entertaining to see the baby moving around, and being very active. Last time with Khayla, she wasn't as active as this one.
At one point, baby lifted its hand and we can see the outline of its bone fingers on the monitor! It seemed to be waving at us, the dear one! And Khayla waved back! :) Gosh, now I can't stop writing with exclamation mark, it was such an exciting moment :)
Dr Tan said baby is growing well and healthy although she's a bit concerned with my pale appearance. But I assured her that I'm taking my pills and multivitamin so she didn't ask so much questions.
Our next appointment is next month. And hmm, it might be a bit weird but I sometimes can feel my baby wriggling in my lower tummy, although I'm only 3 months' pregnant.
Can't wait for my pregnancy to be in its fourth month!
Love adventure, love travel, love a good book, love chocolate, love philosophical conversations.
Week 11 - A terrible suffering :(
I'm inching slowly out of trimester 1. I'm thankful that my pregnancy is still progressing healthily, but oh my! The suffering I had to go through! To the point that when I was miserably lying down with terrible nausea and headache, I thought that I don't ever want to get pregnant again!
The peak of my suffering is when I had to be hospitalised for 2 days last week due to dehydration and because I couldn't stop vomiting.
Truth is, I wouldn't half mind the vomiting if I could lose weight like Jen did or Kak Za. But that's not happening to me. Although I vomit endlessly, the most weight I lost is - 0. Depressing.
In my condition, the fact that I get to stay in 5-star hospital was irrelevant. Being hooked up to the drip overnight was very uncomfortable. Thank God hubby agreed to take emergency leave to accompany me - after all I reminded him that we are in this together.
The good thing after that the hospital supplied me 2 weeks supply of anti-vomit pills. At least it improved my condition when i need my sanity the most. The catch is, its side effect makes me sleepy.
I'm still looking forward to enter second trimester. Hopefully by week 13 my nausea will vanish into thin air!
The peak of my suffering is when I had to be hospitalised for 2 days last week due to dehydration and because I couldn't stop vomiting.
Truth is, I wouldn't half mind the vomiting if I could lose weight like Jen did or Kak Za. But that's not happening to me. Although I vomit endlessly, the most weight I lost is - 0. Depressing.
In my condition, the fact that I get to stay in 5-star hospital was irrelevant. Being hooked up to the drip overnight was very uncomfortable. Thank God hubby agreed to take emergency leave to accompany me - after all I reminded him that we are in this together.
The good thing after that the hospital supplied me 2 weeks supply of anti-vomit pills. At least it improved my condition when i need my sanity the most. The catch is, its side effect makes me sleepy.
I'm still looking forward to enter second trimester. Hopefully by week 13 my nausea will vanish into thin air!
Love adventure, love travel, love a good book, love chocolate, love philosophical conversations.
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