My dear little child(ren),
It's the end of week 3 and I'm entering into week 4 of pregnancy. I thank Allah for making it to another week safely. Every day I fret about whether you are still safe, still growing, still alive...
If I could, I would go to the doctor everyday just to have a look at you! Unfortunately, I'm not that privileged. I should've become a doctor in the first place (frown). Hmm. Anyway my baby(s), my only way of knowing that you are still thriving inside my body, is by the way my body responds to the foreign invasion(s). Mind you, I have always hate sickness (who doesn't?) and always make sure that I stay healthy so I won't have to endure pain.
My first sign of pregnancy is the boobs pain. They ache, they are tender and they are (refrain from using bad language) horrendous! The first thing I noticed when I woke up is how they are throbbing like gila early in the morning and Abah wasn't even messing around with them the night before (hahahaha!). Internet research later revealed that hormones are the culprit and that they are preparing themselves to well, develop to feed you when you come out 9 months' later.
Then, came the awful fatigue-ness. I am ever so tired at any time of the day. I do not want to sleep, I just need to lie down. Your Grandma told me that I should not rest too much or else you will come out a lazybum-bum. I tried, maybe taking a morning stroll and after a short distance, I would long for the nearest seat available so I can rest my own lazybum-bum. My feet also start to ache if I wore flat sandals so I had to buy one of those mumsy sandals (oh, Sembonia has this really adorable sandals which I bought regardless of its outrageous price). I'm wondering how I will survive when you are a lot bigger and heavier. Already, carrying myself and a poppy seed-sized you is a CHORE to me.
Shortly after that, I develop a passion for food. I love food! I want to eat all the time! I'm constantly hungry and feeling there's a black hole inside me. No matter how much food I stuffed into my mouth, it is NEVER enough. Abah encourages me to eat though. He thinks it's good for you. On the other hand, I think it's too early evolve into an Eating Monster, because how much nutrients do you need at that tiny size? Again, I think it's just hormone. Sometimes I get hysterical when I weigh myself in the morning. Weight is always a big issue to me :(
Strangely, I do not desire anything pickled. Jeruk2 tidak memenuhi selera Ummi. I like my usual favourite food, only thrice more, than before I was pregnant. I love pizza, I love spaghetti, I love nasi ayam, nasi kerabu, roti canai, Grandma's cooking, and constantly feel like gorging on chocolate.
However, these past two days, I seem to grow a liking for sour drink, namely orange juice. Why? Well, I am beginning to feel a little bit nauseated and the only way to contain the feeling is to drink something sour. Like orange juice. Orange juice is a hero, I adore it so much. Plus, it contains lotsa vitamin C. Good for you, good for me. So Abah bought me cartons of milk and cartons of orange juice because I can't live without them.
My sleeping habit also changes drastically these past few days. I tend to sleep lightly, and always wake up to change my position, or go to the restroom (already, I'm visiting the restroom twice in the middle of the night, EVERY night). The most noticeable change is how I tend to stretch my body a lot. Stretch my legs, stretch my arms, twist my body. I think when you are born, you will stretch a lot too.
Also, usually, I am not so active while sleeping. Before I doze off, I will curl my body to face Abah, and stay in that position (mostly) till morning. However, after getting pregnant, I toss and turn and stretch till morning and I wake up with my arms above my head in that stretching arms position. I think that is why I'm so tired because I do not get a fitful and restful sleep (it is hard to rest if I keep moving while sleeping).
Oh, about food? I am so upset to find out that I lost my appetite for nasi kerabu. The smell of it almost made me throw up last night. Poor Grandma, she bought it because I like it, but my body decides that nasi kerabu is off the list now. Oh goodness, what am I going to like now??
My dear little child(ren),
Before getting pregnant, I have always thought that I would hate all these symptoms and those that will come throughout the next few months until you are born. Especially by the time I will have to endure morning sickness. However, after almost losing you, I change my mind about them. You see, I have no other way of knowing if you are still ok inside me, except for these symptoms. There was one time I woke up and my boobs did not hurt so much and I got alarmed. Oh my God, did I lose you in the night? Then I would pray that my boobs hurt again, no matter how much, so I know that the pregnant hormones are still there and I am still carrying you. Somehow, being in pain and discomfort is a signal that you are doing fine. I look forward to these symptoms and I make myself brave to go through them just so you can survive these perilous moments.
I am now beginning to understand a mother's love because that is exactly how I feel towards you.
Love,
Ummi
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