Week 11 - A terrible suffering :(

I'm inching slowly out of trimester 1. I'm thankful that my pregnancy is still progressing healthily, but oh my! The suffering I had to go through! To the point that when I was miserably lying down with terrible nausea and headache, I thought that I don't ever want to get pregnant again!

The peak of my suffering is when I had to be hospitalised for 2 days last week due to dehydration and because I couldn't stop vomiting.

Truth is, I wouldn't half mind the vomiting if I could lose weight like Jen did or Kak Za. But that's not happening to me. Although I vomit endlessly, the most weight I lost is - 0. Depressing.

In my condition, the fact that I get to stay in 5-star hospital was irrelevant. Being hooked up to the drip overnight was very uncomfortable. Thank God hubby agreed to take emergency leave to accompany me - after all I reminded him that we are in this together.

The good thing after that the hospital supplied me 2 weeks supply of anti-vomit pills. At least it improved my condition when i need my sanity the most. The catch is, its side effect makes me sleepy.

I'm still looking forward to enter second trimester. Hopefully by week 13 my nausea will vanish into thin air!

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Week 9 (most likely!)

A couple of weeks ago, I went to PCMC for my first of the many, many weeks of pre-natal check ups (Insya Allah).

This time around, I'm seeing Dr Tan Ay Eeng, not Dr Seri Suniza anymore coz she's always busy.

Guess what? When she finally scanned me, the pregnancy turned out to be waayyyyy earlier than the earlier clinic estimated. My heart also sank to the bottom of the sea - I was looking forward to leave trimester 1!

So now I'm back to Week 9. The week I suspected that I was pregnant was actually my Week 4. Maybe because I had been pregnant before, so my body is good at recognizing the symptoms earlier this time around.

The scan also showed that it's a viable pregnancy meaning that my lil' one has developed heartbeats. Yeay, lil' one! Good job thriving in there! :)

The couple of weeks I went through was thankfully over. I think this time around I vomit less, but I am more mabuk. It's because I cannot vomit, so my head constantly feels like being underwater. I desperately want to vomit but when I do gag, all that came out is just water and sour-ish taste (yucks!).

Next year I'm going to use protection after I stop breastfeeding.

So looking forward to Week 10.

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Week 10?

I don't know why every time I got pregnant I got confused at which week I am now. Three weeks back the doctor who confirmed my pregnancy said I was already 7 weeks but my apps told me I am now only at week 9.

Isn't that puzzling and frustrating at the same time?

Anyway, at this week 9/10, I just want to pass trimester 1 as quickly as possible. I am starting my morning sickness but dear God, please spare me the agony!

What can I say about this week? Headache, nausea, vomit, attempts to vomit but just spit out a lot of saliva, vomit some water, more painful attempts to vomit just to get it over an done with (coz the nausea just won't leave me until I got rid of my stomach content), vomit lunch, vomit breakfast and vomit vomit vomit!

Tired of the word vomit? Want to change it with puke instead?

Bottom line is, it's not a pleasant week, it's those weeks that you just want to put behind and forget about it ever. It's the kind of week where you just go through life half-awake, drowning in your own pain of either vomiting or trying not to, or just trying to focus amidst the throbbing headache.

I just wish it's already week 13. 13 seems like a lovely number now.

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I forgot this weird feeling...

... And it's back.

As delightful it is to find that we're expecting, there's also the not-so-joyful moment of getting used to being pregnant again.

Although I'm better off this time (no vomiting as yet and let's pray that there will be none ever this time around!), there are still symptoms that I have to endure.

Since I found out about the pregnancy I had been on standby for the nasty symptoms of terrible headache, gassy tummy, and of course being Mrs Puke and then dying a slow grueling death afterwards.

Week 7 passed by - ok. In fact I was energetic and all worked up that I could even did house cleaning myself including mopping the whole house and doing rounds of laundry, etc.

Week 8. I got tired. Easily. My energy seems to wind down and I had to exert more energy to stay focused. Occasionally I felt nauseous but I convinced that I don't want to start that ugly morning sickness phase this early. If it had to happen, i'd like to have it at the very last week of trimester 1 so I could enjoy the rest of my experience. But still I was discipline enough to keep my appearance well - I started using makeup again prompting so many questions at work.

Week 9. I'm finding it more of a struggle to focus - I forgot that pregnancy also made me feel as I I had my head kept under water and everything is murky, soggy and uncomprehending. Not good for my studying side and even worse for my work.

I am still grateful that other than that I'm still well enough to fetch my daughter and played with her. I don't want her to feel that I'm neglecting her.

Just that I also wish that those pampers and love I received from hubby when I was pregnant with Khayla would not dwindle or lessen this time around.

Like my back and right calf are feeling stiff right now after driving all the way to Bangi, yet I don't get that readily available massage I used to get last time.

Oh well. I'll just settle with not having early morning sickness, that is good enough.

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A new bun in the oven?

Today we were blessed with another joy of finding out that we are pregnant - for the second time! Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah for bestowing this gift to us :)

Actually we knew about it since last Tuesday - I had been feeling weird lately. My tummy felt bloated in the way that only pregnancy can make me feel that way. And, I had been burping a lot.

So once again I had this feeling that I might be pregnant though it was not as nagging and intense as the time when I was pregnant with Khayla.

I finally decided to test it on Tuesday night. After the delivery people came to deliver our brand new fridge (yeay!) I went to a pharmacy in Sri Gombak with my little girl to buy pregnancy test kits.

This time I bought 2 kits - just in case the first one produced inconclusive result.

I came home and immediately did the test - this time instead of having to wait for a few moments, the second line appeared almost immediately, albeit faded line.

I couldn't believe my eyes so I went out and showed the result to my sister who also couldn't tell whether the second line was really there.

So I gulped down another mug of water and repeated the test. Again the same thing happened that convinced me slightly that I could be pregnant - again!

When hubby came back from class, I showed him the tests and asked him to buy a more expensive test kit. He did.

The third time I tested, the second line took a while to appear AND it appeared - also a faint line.

The next day I confided in my closest colleague at work about it and she was so overjoyed that she clapped hands! I told her to keep it down and cautioned it might be false alarm as the line appeared faint. She suggested we bought a new test kit (also an expensive kit) during lunch break and re-tested - so I did. I also bought some pre-natal vitamins just in case I am really pregger.

This time it was slightly clearer than my first three attempts.

But after a day of relishing the thought that I might be pregnant - the symptoms lessened and once again I was left wondering whether it was even real - perhaps the pregnancy didn't thrive overnight and I am no longer pregnant?

To confirm it, today we finally went to Klinik Idzham to see a doctor. As usual, I had to pee in a bottle and the nurse did the same test I did at home.

When our turn was called, the doctor (her name is Dr Rubiah, by the way) confirmed the news - yup, we're having another baby! ^_^

Hubby patted my shoulder in delight and congratulated me. We told the news to our unimpressed toddler. All in all, today is a happy day for us :)

By the way, I did not have an ultrasound scan coz the doctor said it's too early to be seen via ultrasound - so she just gauged my pregnancy by asking my first day of last period (23 February).

According to her estimate I am now 7 weeks 2 days pregnant. I forgot to check when my due date will be, but thank God for my iPhone apps, I found out that I may be having another December baby!

It just felt strange to fall pregnant so easily after struggling with sub-infertility for almost 4 years but I'm not complaining :) I feel relieved that I can conceive naturally like other people.

And unlike my first pregnancy, this time I only realized that I am pregnant after almost reaching month 2 - last time I found out earlier coz my boobs ached so much.

Hopefully this pregnancy will be smooth-sailing (no morning sickness please!).

We're looking forward to welcome our second baby into our lives. But we leave it to God. Insya Allah, if it is meant to be, we'll be parents for the second time.

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Welcome Baby Khayla...

After months of waiting with bated breaths, here you are finally. My beautiful child, thank you for making my day. My life feels blessed with your presence.

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Week 37: The Very Last Week of Life in Uterus.

Dear Baby Girl,

It seemed like only yesterday I found out about the pregnancy and the indescribable joy that came with the knowledge. After almost 4 years of being married, and FINALLY, finally we are able to conceive.

After the joy, we were scared, really scared that we will lose you. My earlier days of pregnancy was a rather bleak and cautious time for the both of us as we waited with bated breath and lots of prayers for your survival.

But you my child, are strong. God meant for you to live this long, to Insya Allah take the first breath of air this coming week. I still remember whispering a prayer to God, 'Ye Allah, this child inside of me, I trust her life in Your Hands. If she lives, it is through Your Grace, and I thank You for this blessing. If she does not live, I believe that it is her destiny and You know what is best for her and for us.'

My sweet little girl,

Soon, you will be born into this world. How many times have I closed my eyes and imagined the moment you will be placed on my chest, no doubt crying in bewilderment at the sudden gust of cold air after spending 9 months cocooned in the warm, soothing uterus you are used to now. Yes, it is getting more snug and at times, annoyingly uncomfortable as you grow bigger and your home gets smaller. But that cry will soon be placated as you hear the familiar heartbeats and your eyes opened unseeingly in wonder at the warm skin you felt against yours. You will hear the familiar voice soothing you but the voices are no longer muffled, feel hands touching your back as your fingers uncurl and start to search around for something to soothe you.

I imagine how beautiful will those moments be as we finally get to meet you. I imagine that I will be overwhelmed with happiness, crying at the sight of you, and Daddy too, will be crying. Baby, those are the imaginations that lifted my spirit, kept me going even when I was ready to give up on the world, and made me smile even when you kicked me so hard it hurt sometimes. Baby, one day you will know this feeling. It is called motherhood.

My dear child,

Perhaps the next best thing after finding out about the pregnancy is finding out that you will making your début on our 4th wedding anniversary, Insya Allah. In many ways, we have always regarded you as God's gift to us for making it to our 4th year of marriage. But we never (ok, I admit that I have been hoping that you will be coming out on 15th December even though you are due 2 weeks after our wedding anniversary) intended that you will be born on that date itself! If not for this placenta previa problem, I am positive that you will be a New Year baby and that I will be having a normal labour. BUT... God has other plans and lesson learnt, be careful what you wish for. Hehe.

During my last visit to the doctor, she pointed out that the placenta has totally blocked the opening of the uterus and makes it difficult, if not impossible, for you to make your journey into the world through the birth canal. She went on to conclude that the safest way to deliver you is through C-section.

I was of course, quite disappointed to hear that. I asked whether it is really not possible to move the placenta out of the way but she said it is extremely risky, not after waiting for 4 years to have a baby anyway. You see, I have been preparing myself for normal delivery - even put my mind firmly to the thought of having a drug-free birth. That means, no epidural will be requested.

But. What matters most is not what I want, but what is best for you. So, if the doctor thinks that the safest passage for you to enter this world through C-sect, I will certainly oblige this. Some day baby, remember that your mother loves you very much to suffer so much pain for you. Even give her life to you.

I am waiting eagerly sweetheart, for your arrival. Come, my child, into my open arms. The moment of waiting is nearly over.

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