In Which We Saw Two...

My dear little child(ren),

Today I went to see our doctor again for another jab. Your grandma drove me to the hospital and even though I do not doubt Grandma's driving capability, I couldn't help but tensed all the way to the hospital because Grandma never drove in KL before. Grandma is a competent driver back at her hometown which never had traffic jam like KL does, and people there are leisure drivers, unlike KL drivers who are always rushing about.

I kept on yelping and covering my eyes and it made Grandma so nervous that she forgot to change gears and the car engine died twice. In the middle of the road. I was so mortified and so wished that I could drive, but doctor said no. Not until you develop your heartbeats. I am considered a disabled person until that precious heartbeats are here. Please baby, please grow your heartbeats fast. I can't go to work, can't drive and can't do anything without your heartbeats!

Anyway, we reached the hospital safe and sound. Then, we had to wait for 2 hours (typical of the hospital to let us wait for that long when all I want is just a jab). When it's finally our turn, doc said she wants to scan and see your development in my tummy.

I too, waited anxiously to know how big you have grown since our last visit to the doctor. Grandma was also excited to see you for the first time. When we saw how big you've grown through the monitor, we've 'ooh'ed and 'aah'ed breathlessly. Then doc twisted the scanner because she thought she saw...

'Look, there's two sacs here.'
I almost jumped off the bed in shock. Two sacs?

The ultrasound image looks something like this. - Photo sourced from about.com (Pregnancy & Childbirth)

Sure enough, I saw with my own eyes another smaller sac next to the bigger sac. It made me nervous and excited at the same time. What does it mean? Are there two of you in there?

'Masya Allah, there seems to be two amniotic sacs here. One bigger than the other... I can't say for sure now, it's too early. But... if God wills it, there might be two of them.' Doc sounded cheerful but unsure.

Being always full of questions, I can't help thinking how is it possible? Could it be that two eggs were released in the first place from the same ovum? Well... that sounds impossible. Or could it be that (Abah's theory) the cells are not finished dividing itself yet so that is why the other sac is smaller? I have no idea whatsoever. FYI, Abah is always referring to you in plurals e.g. 'Hi anak-anak!' every time he puts his hand on my tummy. Could Abah's word turned to reality?

Doc once again gave the same advise to be cautious, to limit my movement and to eat healthy food. Driving, going to work and partying with Abah are no-no. Poor Abah...

My dear little child(ren),

I do not know what God has in store for both myself and Abah, but whatever it is, we will try to make the best of it and accept it with full gratitude. Be it one, two or more, you are still ours and our responsibility to protect, nourish and teach the right way of life since you are still inside my tummy. That is why ever since I learnt about the pregnancy, I have tried my best to control my emotions, say only nice things, and most importantly to read to you the Quran, in hope that you will not forget God that had created you.

My wish for you my little child(ren), is that you may grow healthy, happy and most of all, be good Muslims who will bring goodness into the world.

Amin.

Love,
Ummi

P/S: Abah, as usual, does not react much when I told him that Doc suspects there might be two babies in my tummy.

In Which I Almost Lose You

My dear little child,

Firstly, my highest praise to Allah for protecting the little you in me. Being a mother apparently is no easy-peasy job. Not at this stage of your life.

I admitted that I had been rather careless. I am after all, still trying to get used to the idea that my body is now shared with a little dot which will develop into a human being, with God's grace. You have gained victory by being the fastest sperm to fertilize my egg (haha, a little biology lesson for you) and it is my turn to hold the baton and did my job to protect you from any harm.

As a punishment for almost losing you, I am now confined to home for 2 weeks. 2 weeks is a long time, baby. 2 weeks made me feel really restless and worried about my abandoned work. I've just started my new job and I don't want to create bad impression on myself. But as the doctor reminded me, which do I put as my priority - work or you? Of course, I choose you. I had to, or Abah will kill me.

You see, what I did was nothing wrong if I had not been preggie.

On Saturday, I accompanied my sister a.k.a. your aunt to her shopping spree. Normally, I love shopping. However, since carrying you, I got tired easily. I got irritated easily too, especially when Abah used his veto power to stop me from buying that beautiful blouse I had been eyeing with the reason that it wasn't long enough (he prefers something like Hogwart School of Withcraft & Wizardry's school robe). Also, he conveniently and annoyingly pointed out that in a few months, I won't be able to fit into it.

The shopping spree ended in a few hours and an aching back and legs. On Sunday, before I left to KLIA, we went for lunch at this place which I remembered to serve the most delicious asam pedas I've ever came across. Alas, the cook either ran away or we went to the wrong place (remembering locations is not one of my strengths, child). Suffice to say, the asam pedas was exactly its name - sour and extremely spicy. So spicy that both Abah & I cried while trying to finish that RM15 asam pedas. We had to dab our eyes a few times in between chews.

Then, not contented with tormenting you with spicy food, I happily boarded the flight to Kuantan. It wasn't the smoothest ride either. Due to bad weather, the flight was turbulent. I did not even think that being at high altitude could be harmful to you.

That's why a day later, I experienced pain and then much worse than that. We both were so alarmed that we immediately scheduled an appointment with our doctor.

Of course, I got a scolding from the doctor! Ok, I deserved it, so I just shut up. Then, to make sure that you are still hanging on in there, doctor gave me a scan and we saw you for the first time.

As inexperienced parents, we were excitedly looking at the black & white screen, expecting something that looks like mini human. Duh.

'Where, Doc? Where?'
'There.' Doctor pointed at you.
'Owh.' We didn't expect you to be that tiny.

Yup, you are still this tiny white dot inside a black dot, which doctor explained as your something-something sac. Haha. I'll look up the proper word later. No wonder you're so fragile! You measured just 6mm!

My darling child,

I'm so sorry that I jeopardized your sense of security and safety. I'll try not to forget that now I'm not just responsible for myself, I'm now hold responsible for you too. Even though I want to protest so badly at being ordered to stay away from my office at level 50, I shut up when I thought that my selfishness could cost your life. Gosh, how I wish I could transfer you to Abah because frankly speaking, Abah's office is just at the 3rd floor! Abah can keep you safer than me, his job is just to sit quietly in front of PC and do some programming!

Oh, another thing that doc mentioned to us.

'When's my due date, doc?'
'Let see....' Doctor made some calculations.
'Insya Allah, 12 April next year.'

Ok, now Abah is happy. Guess you will be Abah's birthday gift after all, not mine.

At this point, I don't care whose birthday you decided to come out, as long as you make it safely through the laborious 9 months period of pregnancy. Just grow well inside me, child.

P/S: By the way, try not to disturb too much of my kidneys and whatevernots of my internal system. Unlike you, they stay permanently inside my body and I wish to keep them exactly where they are.


Love,
Ummi

In Which We Discover You

My dear little child,

I first sensed your existence a week ahead of our discovery. I had been feeling somewhat not myself, and asked myself over and over again whether it is an omen that you are coming.

In fact, Abah (let me use that term first until he decides what you should call him) out of the blue, received a little windfall in the form of a month bonus at the same time. Hmm. We both suspected that something bigger is brewing and we both got it right. Alhamdulillah.

My dear child,

I don't think it is too much to say that we could guess which day you were conceived. I am so sure and certain that it is on Friday night a little over two weeks ago because we both were set on bringing you to the world. On that night, we both sat down after prayer to recite Yasin and pray to God that please, please send us a child.

In a way, we both are prepared to receive you finally.

When I could not contain my impatience anymore, I decided that I wanted to know and be rid of this 'Am I pregnant? Am I not pregnant?' questions which kept nagging at my inner self incessantly. I have been experiencing discomfort below my stomach for a week and it wasn't like any pain which I knew. It wasn't gastric, and it wasn't PMS. It was just... well, discomfort.

So I went ahead and did the home pregnancy test.

At first, there was no line appearing on the window. I was about to dump it in the rubbish bin along with its wrapper, but then slowly a faint line appeared.

Abah was watching tv when I went over and showed him.

'Does that look like a second line to you?'

Forgive Abah for not being able to react like any other first-time fathers. I have always resigned to the fact that Abah's emotions are the size of an amoeba. We are yin and yang. Whereby I got extreme emotions, Abah has always been the cool one.

'Yes. You're pregnant, dear.' And continued watching The Matrix.

I did not know whether to cry or not, so I did both. I blinked back a few tears and then decided to do a second test the next morning.

The next morning also appeared with positive result.

Oh yes, I am so pregnant already.

Welcome, my little baby.

Read between the lines... Yes, I'm pregnant!


Love,
Ummi (until I decide what you should call me, but definitely not 'Mama', or 'Mommy' or 'Amma' too)